Mistakes happen at work every day. A message goes unanswered. Someone is left off an email. Feedback lands harsher than intended. A deadline slips.
What determines whether these moments quietly erode trust—or actually strengthen it—is not whether a mistake was made, but how it’s handled afterward.
Perfection isn’t the goal. Repair is.
And there is a right way to repair after a mistake.
AVP stands for acknowledge, validate, and plan.
In order to successfully repair after a mistake, you need to acknowledge and name the mistake, validate the other person’s feelings and viewpoint, and create a plan for the specific actions you will take to prevent this mistake from occurring again.
Acknowledge
When you make a mistake, the temptation is to explain why you behaved the way you did. You want the other person to understand your intentions and to see that you weren’t malicious in your motivations. Even deeper than that is the desire to diffuse blame and reduce shame.
Unfortunately, this is rarely received well. The person on the other end interprets your explanations as excuses, and they feel like you’re skirting accountability. They then get defensive because they feel unheard, and it becomes a conversation about whether your good intentions outweigh the negative impact.
Justifying actions further erodes trust instead of repairing it. Acknowledging simply requires you to acknowledge the harm the other person has expressed. Even if you disagree with their feelings, what they’re experiencing is valid and needs to be understood.
Too often, people apologize in a vague way, saying, “I’m sorry for what I did” or “I’m sorry that happened.” But what are they actually sorry for? What was it that they did, or what was it that happened? It sounds simple, but being specific about what went wrong shows the other person that you fully understand your misstep, which in turn makes it more likely that you won’t make that mistake again.
To do this, you’ll want to listen carefully to what the other person is expressing and identify the underlying issue. The person you’re speaking with might feel less trusting, but why is that the case? What specific actions did you take that negatively impacted their trust in you? Name these things in the first part of your apology.
Validate
Validating simply entails helping the other person feel seen, heard, and understood. If someone expresses that they’re worried or frustrated, then it’s your job to help them not feel crazy or out of bounds for feeling that way. This normalizes their response and shows empathy and compassion for where they’re coming from.
Using active listening skills and piecing together the rationale behind the feelings is how you validate someone else’s experience.
The phrases below can help to validate another person’s feelings without you cosigning their feelings. Even if you don’t agree with how the other person feels, you can still validate their experience.
Fill in the blanks below with the feelings that the other person is expressing:
“I understand why you felt __________.”
“That makes sense that you felt __________ when __________ happened.”
“Anyone would feel __________ if they were in your position.”
“I’m sorry that you felt __________. I know that must be hard.”
This skill is critical not only in moments of repair, but it’s also applicable to any conversation with a team member. Connection is rooted in understanding, empathy, and compassion, and validation is essential to cultivating connection.
Plan
It’s not enough to just acknowledge missteps, validate feelings, and move on. Repair requires a concrete plan that shows forethought in ensuring the issues at hand get resolved. The plan needs to be specific and address the concerns that were brought forth.
Saying “It won’t happen again” is hollow because it doesn’t provide clarity to the person on the receiving end about how you intend to ensure it won’t happen again.
Specificity is needed for an effective repair plan. You need to identify action steps that you can take that will result in a different outcome. These action steps should be informed by what’s shared in the conversation.
If someone says to you that they’re frustrated about not being included in emails going out to the client, even though they’re a part of the client team too, and that their feedback hasn’t been incorporated, then just telling them that you’ll include them isn’t specific enough.
Instead, you could say that you will be sure to CC them on future emails, and that you’ll specifically ask for their input in emails going forward so they can contribute to the conversation.
These two steps address the pain points of feeling excluded and not feeling like their input is being considered. It’s much more effective than just saying you’ll include them.
The next time you’re apologizing, ask yourself, What did this person express that they need from me, and what can I specifically do to ensure that need is met?
Formulate one or two action steps, and communicate those directly.
Once you’ve acknowledged the misstep, validated the other person’s experience, and outline a concrete plan, the final—and often hardest—step is follow-through.
Trust doesn’t return all at once. It’s rebuilt through congruent, consistent actions over time. You can’t rush it, and you can’t shortcut it. The repair lives not in what you say in the moment, but in what you do afterward.
The next time something goes wrong at work, ask yourself: Have I truly acknowledged the harm? Have I helped the other person feel understood? And have I clearly shown how things will be different going forward?
Getting those three steps right won’t just help you recover from mistakes. It will quietly shape the kind of colleague, leader, and culture people want to stay with.
Excerpted from Working Well: How to Build a Happier, Healthier Workplace Through the Science of Attunement, by Nidhi Tewari, with permission of Tarcher, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. Copyright © Nidhi Tewari, 2026.
